Could care less who Bills draft

Like I really don't give a shit. They want to draft a QB. Go for it. They want to take a tackle. More power to them. They want to take a punter? Wooooooo. Doesn't matter. Honestly if they take a QB like Smith, Barkley, or Nassib with the 8th pick I don't give 2 shits. What's the worst that could happen? They suck and the Bills finish with a top 10 pick again next year and we can take another crack at it all over again like the last decade. Doesn't fucking matter. Like really I'd rather take somebody else with the 8th pick then snatch up a Barkley or Nassib in the second or third round but honestly it doesn't matter. I'm still going to go to games and watch them because it's an excuse for me to drink excessive amounts of alcohol in a parking lot and get shitfaced with strangers and shout Go Bills and kick midgets and shit.

If the Bills take someone and you bitch and moan about it that's the wrong attitude. Just accept it and move on. Nobody fucking knows how good the players will be when they come into the NFL. I'm not a fucking scout or draft expert and neither is anyone else unless you work for an NFL team. Just drink beer and watch games with friends and eat chicken wing dip and shit and have a good time. No need to be the next Mel Kiper or Todd McShay.

PS - I want Nassib or Barkley. So sue me I think they have a chance to be decent but go ahead and crucify me for thinking that because every talking head on ESPN says it's a down QB class. Russell Wilson and shit just remember that.

How Desperate is Mike Brown?

 ESPN - CLEVELAND -- The Cleveland Cavaliers have officially rehired Mike Brown as their coach.

Brown, who led the Cavs to five consecutive playoff appearances before he was fired in 2010, is returning to the team for a second time. Brown will replace Byron Scott, the man who replaced him three years ago but was fired last week following Cleveland's third straight losing season.

How desperate are you for work when your employer who basically spat in your face three years ago wants you to come back and you take the job? Dan Gilbert basically fired Brown to try and appease LeBron and get him to stay in Cleveland. Like I know that LeBron is basically the greatest basketball player on Earth right now but as a coach, if my owner is putting a player above me, THE COACH, the guy who is supposed to run the shit, I'm fucking pissed and not coming back. I'm not letting somebody tell me a player is above me and then coming back after that. No way. There is some young talent though in Cleveland and you never know LeBron could be back in a few years to play with Irving and D Waiters. How the fuck would that dynamic work? Like would LeBron be like "Sorry bro I got you fired but it's cool now cuz I can play with Kyrie and he balls hard." Only time will tell. 

Where is my logic wrong here???

Alright so really where is my logic wrong here? USA won the gold in basketball at the Olympics. Sure I understand the point that "Team USA" won the gold and defeated "Team Spain" but really you gotta look a little deeper than just "nope it means USA is world champs." That's an illogical way to look at it bro. It's the Olympics, not an every year league.

Look at it like this guy. The best American players beat the best Spanish players. This would lead the average layman to believe that the NBA is better than the Spanish Basketball League team. Wait, is my logic wrong here? Okay just checking. So that would then again lead the average layman to believe that the best NBA team who wins the championship to be better than the best Spanish Basketball League team who wins their respective championship. Are you still with me here? Am I wrong yet? Logic and shit, that's all I'm doing here is talking logic.

So if the best NBA team from this logic is better than the best Spanish Basketball League team than how would the NBA championship team not be the World Champs? It's like A=B=C, transitive property and shit, straight geometry lesson dog. Like sure you're right I cannot fucking assume they'd win and be world champs but how close to do you want the logic to get without them actually playing a fucking game?

NFL part is laughable because no other country can play American Football on our level. Wouldn't even be fucking close if we played France or some other country in American Football.

PS - I don't count MLB with World Baseball Classic because we don't care about that shit for some reason. We don't even put our best players in the WBC. No Verlander? No Trout? No Strasburg? No Weaver? No Ian Kinsler? I could go on but bottom line is I don't count that shit.

PPS - Classic comment capture. Heat won the championship last year. LeBron, Bosh, Wade, Chalmers, Howard, Battier, Miller, Haslem, Cole, Anthony. Which one of those championship players is foreign? Zero. Plus American basketball players play in foreign countries. You know which ones do that? The bad ones who can't play in the NBA.

PPPS - Classic more comments. Yeah their best come play here because there is no competition in foreign leagues and they can make bank here bro. Name a foreign player better than Melo, LeBron, Wade, CP3, Griffen, Durant, Duncan, Harden, Westbrook, Irving, D Williams, Wall, Jefferson, Howard, Pierce, Garnett..really maybe Dirk or Tony Parker. Kobe doesn't count I don't care that he was born in France because his dad played there because of exactly my point before, he wasn't good enough for the NBA so he played in a foreign country plus Kobe is an American citizen. Seriously lets just fucking make the Heat play the SBL's champion I know where I'm putting my money. Fucking Merica. 

Game 2 Tonight Knicks Celtics

Knicks Celtics about to tip off. I'm scared because Doc has a team of veterans and is going to make adjustments and I don't know if Woodson can respond. Plus Chandler's bulging disc could pop out of his spine at any time and then all that's left is K-Mart.

Then again the Knicks might have the best scorer right now on their team in Melo and I don't think JR misses like he did in the last game. Knicks haven't won a playoff series since the Kennedy administration and I don't feel good about them winning this one unless they take this game tonight at home. Gotta win at home it's crucial.

Little scared about doughy Paul Pierce too. That doughball always cooks up a clutch game now and again. Hopefully KG doesn't eat up a hurting Chandler tonight. Could be a Celtics win if the Knicks trenches can't hold up under the iron.

Kolb Says He's Here to Win Super Bowl

Wtf is this guy thinking? The Bills are nowhere near contending for a Super Bowl. They can't even make the playoffs. They can't even accomplish a winning record. Does this dude think he's the missing piece or something? Slow your roll dude you sound crazy. It's not like this guy is really good either. Average at best. The only way the Bills are getting to the Super Bowl this year is if all 31 other NFL teams are launched into space and are sucked through a black hole, in which case Alabama would be called into the NFL and beat the Bills.

Crazy talk.

PS - Go Bills.

Rutgers Coverage

Why is this 24/7 news? Okay I understand that some shit went down the coach and AD are gone, but really how important is this program? Just take a step back and ask what is so huge about Rutgers. Nothing. They are a shitty Big East basketball program. They are an average Big East football program. I can't think of any other relevant things. Well actually the only big thing was a Thursday night college football win over Louisville  like 5 years ago. Get over it. The biggest play Rutgers has ever received might be when Don Imus called the women basketball players "nappy headed hoes" and was fired for it. This isn't Michigan, Notre Dame, USC, Florida, Alabama, Texas, or so on who cares.

Seriously, they've done nothing. Nothing Derek Nothing! Didn't even invent the piano key necktie. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills watching SportsCenter!

Mississippi State Taking Recruiting to a Whole New Level

This is it. I'm sold. You send me this kinda shit, hand drawn quality shit like this and I'm yours. If I'm a 4-5 star athlete looking to go to college what else could I ask for? Yes coach, I would love to drink SWAG all day and bring SEC titles to Starkville...or is it now Stark-Vegas - right there, more swag. Just renaming your town and adding vegas to it like your fucking Drake rapping songs. And this follows up letters like this...

Tell me a baller and and tell me you have a 4 year supply of SWAG for me. Ring those cowbells in Starkvil....I mean StarkVegas I'm coming to be a Dawg. Mississippi State has this recruiting shit figured out now. Kids these days don't want money under the table, they want to be ballers and have swag. That is literally all teenagers care about these days. Brilliant moves, kudos to Dan Mullen and staff.

PS - That SWAG letter was sent to Marlon Humphrey a 5-star cornerback recruit from Alabama. No way he goes to Bama now he's going to Mississippi State. Sure natty ships at Bama but do I want to play for some crusty old self-centered coach, or a coaching staff that is providing me with unlimited swag and that's going to make me a baller? Not even a real question.

Atheists and Easter/Christmas

Okay so yeah I started to ponder this because it seemed like a fascinating subject to delve into. How come people will say they're an atheist or don't believe in God or whatever but still celebrate Easter and Christmas? I've thought about this and it absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

Like Easter and Christmas are originally holidays that celebrate the birth and death of Jesus. If you never heard of him he founded the religion of Christianity. So if you're outspoken as someone who does not believe in any God or anything than why do you celebrate those holidays? Like I'm not saying you're a bad person or you're wrong for not believing in something I could care less but it just still doesn't make any sense.

First of all, kids get a boatload of candy at Easter. You know who really deserves that candy? The kids who had to sit through an hour or longer Easter morning mass. The non-believers, what are they doing just playing video games all morning and then they get free candy? Load of bullshit you gotta earn that candy.

Christmas? Last time I checked Santa Claus is old SAINT Nick. Saint. He isn't Jolly Ol' Scientist Nick spreading science to all the children. He's Jolly Ol' Saint Nick who gives presents to the good little boys and girls. He's flying a sleigh powered by magical reindeer and not a flying a stealth bomber constructed of science.

Stop trying to steal my holidays and get your own.

Baseball Should Tweet About Dip Not Hockey

Okay so I see that kids who play hockey are always tweeting about dipping and shit and throwing in huge lippers and what not. That's cool and all but that's just not you. Step back and be real with yourself. Hockey should be all Molson and Blue Light and then maple syrup and pancakes after a game. Not bombs in you lip. Only baseball players should be tweeting about putting huge lippers in and here are some reasons:

#1 - Baseball has been dipping way longer than hockey players and I base this information on absolutely nothing

#2 - I always see MLB and baseball players with huge dips in while they are playing and never see hockey players do that

#3 - There's a gum called Big League Chew (like its dip but its really gum for kids) with baseball players on the cover

#4 - Most farm boys dip --> Most farm boys grow up in areas where they play a lot of baseball (Nebraska/Kansas/Georgia/Texas) --> Those farm boys play baseball and subsequently dip --> This is called the goddamn transitive property A=B=C or something like that ya know math proofs

#5 - Every baseball movie I've ever seen has at least one dude with a dip in and I can't say that for hockey movies

#6 - Bomb squad means packing bombs and then hitting bombs, and chicks dig the long ball

#7 - Chicks dig baseball pants because they can see your ass in it

#8 - USA started out growing a lot of tobacco --> Dip is made from tobacco --> USA's national sport is baseball --> Baseball players dip --> Ya this is more transitive property shit ya know like geometry class or something

Ya tell me this isn't true. Right here are 8 solid reasons why this is completely accurate.

PS -

Thanks for this irrelevant comment. The whole point of this blog post is because twitter feeds blow up with hockey players dipping. Doesn't matter if its bad because they are missing teeth, doesn't matter if it requires cardio. 

Really Long Run On Sentence

So this once time spaghetti rained from the sky when King Ninja Platypus came from his space empire of Guatemala when he was really obsessed with gaining weight because he wanted to get really fat so he could claim disability for being over 300 pounds which is really fat because my aunt Ja'kwonda is that fat and she can't really move and this one time she told me a story about how when you hit things with sticks really hard then all you're doing is hitting something with a stick really hard unless it breaks because breakable things break sometimes when you hit them really hard like my buddy Winston he has glasses and I threw a baseball at his face and broke his glasses and his mother Patricia the goddess of Canadian love bought new glasses for him but also picked a whole pan pizza which was topped with only sausage because that's all we like to eat in the summer time when Neptune is extremely close to Earth and it's not planet Earth it's just Earth when people say planet Earth that's really a misnomer that a lot of people say anyways because they're ignorant and prefer peppers to onions when they lay on a hammock by the mountainside which is loaded with Billy Goats who prefer to graze on the grasses of the mountains because they are high in fiber which is great for anyone's diet when they want to stay regular.