Rutgers Coverage

Why is this 24/7 news? Okay I understand that some shit went down the coach and AD are gone, but really how important is this program? Just take a step back and ask what is so huge about Rutgers. Nothing. They are a shitty Big East basketball program. They are an average Big East football program. I can't think of any other relevant things. Well actually the only big thing was a Thursday night college football win over Louisville  like 5 years ago. Get over it. The biggest play Rutgers has ever received might be when Don Imus called the women basketball players "nappy headed hoes" and was fired for it. This isn't Michigan, Notre Dame, USC, Florida, Alabama, Texas, or so on who cares.

Seriously, they've done nothing. Nothing Derek Nothing! Didn't even invent the piano key necktie. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills watching SportsCenter!

Mississippi State Taking Recruiting to a Whole New Level

This is it. I'm sold. You send me this kinda shit, hand drawn quality shit like this and I'm yours. If I'm a 4-5 star athlete looking to go to college what else could I ask for? Yes coach, I would love to drink SWAG all day and bring SEC titles to Starkville...or is it now Stark-Vegas - right there, more swag. Just renaming your town and adding vegas to it like your fucking Drake rapping songs. And this follows up letters like this...

Tell me a baller and and tell me you have a 4 year supply of SWAG for me. Ring those cowbells in Starkvil....I mean StarkVegas I'm coming to be a Dawg. Mississippi State has this recruiting shit figured out now. Kids these days don't want money under the table, they want to be ballers and have swag. That is literally all teenagers care about these days. Brilliant moves, kudos to Dan Mullen and staff.

PS - That SWAG letter was sent to Marlon Humphrey a 5-star cornerback recruit from Alabama. No way he goes to Bama now he's going to Mississippi State. Sure natty ships at Bama but do I want to play for some crusty old self-centered coach, or a coaching staff that is providing me with unlimited swag and that's going to make me a baller? Not even a real question.

Atheists and Easter/Christmas

Okay so yeah I started to ponder this because it seemed like a fascinating subject to delve into. How come people will say they're an atheist or don't believe in God or whatever but still celebrate Easter and Christmas? I've thought about this and it absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

Like Easter and Christmas are originally holidays that celebrate the birth and death of Jesus. If you never heard of him he founded the religion of Christianity. So if you're outspoken as someone who does not believe in any God or anything than why do you celebrate those holidays? Like I'm not saying you're a bad person or you're wrong for not believing in something I could care less but it just still doesn't make any sense.

First of all, kids get a boatload of candy at Easter. You know who really deserves that candy? The kids who had to sit through an hour or longer Easter morning mass. The non-believers, what are they doing just playing video games all morning and then they get free candy? Load of bullshit you gotta earn that candy.

Christmas? Last time I checked Santa Claus is old SAINT Nick. Saint. He isn't Jolly Ol' Scientist Nick spreading science to all the children. He's Jolly Ol' Saint Nick who gives presents to the good little boys and girls. He's flying a sleigh powered by magical reindeer and not a flying a stealth bomber constructed of science.

Stop trying to steal my holidays and get your own.

Baseball Should Tweet About Dip Not Hockey

Okay so I see that kids who play hockey are always tweeting about dipping and shit and throwing in huge lippers and what not. That's cool and all but that's just not you. Step back and be real with yourself. Hockey should be all Molson and Blue Light and then maple syrup and pancakes after a game. Not bombs in you lip. Only baseball players should be tweeting about putting huge lippers in and here are some reasons:

#1 - Baseball has been dipping way longer than hockey players and I base this information on absolutely nothing

#2 - I always see MLB and baseball players with huge dips in while they are playing and never see hockey players do that

#3 - There's a gum called Big League Chew (like its dip but its really gum for kids) with baseball players on the cover

#4 - Most farm boys dip --> Most farm boys grow up in areas where they play a lot of baseball (Nebraska/Kansas/Georgia/Texas) --> Those farm boys play baseball and subsequently dip --> This is called the goddamn transitive property A=B=C or something like that ya know math proofs

#5 - Every baseball movie I've ever seen has at least one dude with a dip in and I can't say that for hockey movies

#6 - Bomb squad means packing bombs and then hitting bombs, and chicks dig the long ball

#7 - Chicks dig baseball pants because they can see your ass in it

#8 - USA started out growing a lot of tobacco --> Dip is made from tobacco --> USA's national sport is baseball --> Baseball players dip --> Ya this is more transitive property shit ya know like geometry class or something

Ya tell me this isn't true. Right here are 8 solid reasons why this is completely accurate.

PS -

Thanks for this irrelevant comment. The whole point of this blog post is because twitter feeds blow up with hockey players dipping. Doesn't matter if its bad because they are missing teeth, doesn't matter if it requires cardio. 

Really Long Run On Sentence

So this once time spaghetti rained from the sky when King Ninja Platypus came from his space empire of Guatemala when he was really obsessed with gaining weight because he wanted to get really fat so he could claim disability for being over 300 pounds which is really fat because my aunt Ja'kwonda is that fat and she can't really move and this one time she told me a story about how when you hit things with sticks really hard then all you're doing is hitting something with a stick really hard unless it breaks because breakable things break sometimes when you hit them really hard like my buddy Winston he has glasses and I threw a baseball at his face and broke his glasses and his mother Patricia the goddess of Canadian love bought new glasses for him but also picked a whole pan pizza which was topped with only sausage because that's all we like to eat in the summer time when Neptune is extremely close to Earth and it's not planet Earth it's just Earth when people say planet Earth that's really a misnomer that a lot of people say anyways because they're ignorant and prefer peppers to onions when they lay on a hammock by the mountainside which is loaded with Billy Goats who prefer to graze on the grasses of the mountains because they are high in fiber which is great for anyone's diet when they want to stay regular.

Bills Courting Fred Davis

I love it. This is so classic Bills. Lurk around the depths of free-agency and do nothing just waiting like a stingray on the ocean floor and do nothing and then all of a sudden, boom, make your move. Except usually the moves suck and everything the front office does is a misstep.

But really how do you back up such a national news generating move like signing Manny Lawson? Duh, go after arguably the second best FA tight end right after Tony Gonzalez who was going to retire. Just when the NFL thinks the Bills are dead in the water they quickly awake and strike.

In all seriousness though, signing Davis would be a pretty decent move if the Bills could accomplish it. Marrone runs a west coast system and a QB-friendly pass-catching TE would be a huge plus. I'll say this now Davis would be an upgrade over Chandler. Don't get me wrong I like the Chandy-man but Davis is the better player. If Davis is recovered from his injury he is much more explosive and can create more separation  in his routes than Chandler can. May be an under-the-radar signing if it happens but could be big.

P.S. - Wouldn't be surprised if the Bills don't sign him.

March Madness

So I start off every March Madness hoping my bracket is perfect and I win all the money in my pool. But that just doesn't happen. It never happens for anyone and you can know as much about college basketball as you want but it doesn't matter. Some kid whose nine year older sister filled out his bracket based on uniform colors is going to win. Just works that way for the most part.

Because of this I always root for the all the seeds above 10. I want utter madness. I want everyone's bracket to look like a shit. Why not. Odds are if they are big upsets and a lot happen then nobody saw that coming and everyone's bracket is screwed and you're still sitting pretty anyways. I love seeing people on twitter go off about a 1,2 or 3 seed losing to a lower seed. Gets me hard because I love the madness. That's what's great about this time of year anyways, that it's anyone's game. 

Like Ole Miss. I hope that team gets to the Final Four. Imagine Marshall Henderson in Atlanta. Dude's going to be blowing coke on the sideline then pop into the game for a quick 3 to steal the show. Then go rage in the downtown ATL and sip on rum n' cokes all night at the club. That's just what Marshall Henderson's do. They ball and then sip because they don't care. Just like me, I don't care if they bust my bracket. Just let Marshall Henderson's ball and sip. Look at him at the top of this blog, just doesn't care. Double fists Coors Lights and flashes gang signs with a bunch of weenies. 

Also want Creighton just because of McDermott. Love that kid. Actually haven't watched him that much but he seems like he hustles a lot and works hard. Prototypical butt-slapping work hard kid. Love it. 

P.S. - I root for every upset unless it's against Syracuse or Florida. If FGCU wins then screw them gator bait.

P.P.S - Don't care if Ole Miss loses tonight I bet La Salle has a dude that sips and clubs just as hard.