Monday, October 22, 2012
Attention Women, Apparently Roofies Are Not Your Worst Enemy
So apparently roofies are not your worst enemy while you're in college and going to parties and to the bar. Alcohol is because 3 out 4 female college students who are victims of sexual assault were under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol is the new number one date rape drug!
I don't know where to begin with this because it is just so stupid. Yea roofies are not the #1 date rape drug...Oh wait actually they are because they are the fucking date rape drug. They actually began as being called the date rape drug. Alcohol on the other hand has been around for thousands of years. And here is my actual problem with this, no shit 3 out of 4 college females reported being under the influence of alcohol when they were sexually assaulted, because they were at a bar or a house party getting their drink on. Everyone there is drinking. The whole fucking reason roofies are called the date rape drug is because some fucking weirdo slips them in your drink when you don't know so he can rape you. You have no control over it. You do have control over how much alcohol you drink. If your a twig and weigh 80 lbs you probably don't Animal House it and chug 7 or 8 beers, common sense.
Its not like weirdos are slipping distilled alcohol into girls glasses of orange juice or cranberry juice at the bar. That's called a fucking well drink. A cocktail isn't a date rape drink its what I order when it's a special for 2 dollars on Saturday night. On the other hand I've never heard anybody order a scotch and water with a shot of roofies. Just doesn't happen. Therefore roofies are the date rape drug and alcohol is still alcohol. Get your shit straight SJFC.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Guy Uses Stun Gun on Pizza Delivery Guy
A Daytona Beach man used a stun gun on a Papa John’s deliveryman in a failed attempt to grab his pizzas, police said. Christopher Collins, 19, faces a charge of armed robbery with a weapon for the Monday night incident, Daytona Beach Police said in an arrest affidavit. The Papa John’s employee went to deliver two pies to a unit at 525 N. Halifax Avenue that was dark, but Collins eventually met him outside. He asked what the total was, the deliveryman said $26.09, and Collins went back toward the unit before returning seconds later, police said. Collins then again asked “How much?,” the deliveryman took out a small flashlight to illuminate the receipt, and Collins shocked him in the stomach with a stun gun, according to police. He tried to grab the pizzas, but the Papa John’s employee forcefully pulled them from Collins, who ran west toward the river, police said.
Why is this guy using a stun gun to try and rob the pizza delivery guy? And why is he trying to rob pizza? I get it you're hungry and trying to get some food but just go rob a supermarket or convenience store. Like all you have to do is go swipe a box of cereal or some cans of soup. Much easier than trying to rob the pizza guy. And using a stun gun? Is this guy a woman? Just clock the pizza guy in the face and grab the pizza.
-Side note - How bro is this pizza guy fighting through a stun gun shock and reclaiming his pizzas. Talk about a guy who fights for his employer. I've worked in a pizzeria and delivery drivers are usually complete squids. This guy must have been the ultimate pizza delivery bro. True pizza warrior.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Guy Tries to Cook a Squirrel and Destroys 8 Apartments
A fire that destroyed eight units at an apartment complex in Holland Township, Mich., is believed to have been sparked by a man using a propane torch to cook a squirrel for lunch, the fire chief said. The resident was on a deck on the third floor of the Clearview Apartments. He was using a the torch to burn off the squirrel’s fur when the deck caught fire,Fire Chief Jim Kohsel told MLive.com. The resident, whose name was not released, was removing the animal’s fur in preparation to eat it, Kohsel said, according to mlive.com. Flames spread to the roof and other parts of the building. Eight apartments were destroyed and two dozen other units were damaged by smoke and water, the fire chief said.
First of all let me preface this by saying I like squirrels. They're quirky and generally fun to watch do random shit if you see one outside while you're sitting in a classroom and you're bored.
Second of all this guy is a dumbass. Look I'm not mister outdoors or anything but even I know if you're gonna kill and then cook an animal you have to skin it. And you don't skin it with a blowtorch. Total squid move. I feel like this guy was scared to get his hands dirty actually skinning it and went with the eww gross ill just burn it approach. How did that turn out? Oh ya you burned 8 apartments moron.
Moral of the story. When it comes to cooking animals be a man about it and don't take shortcuts. At least that's what I got from it.
-Reginald
New #1 Douche = A-Rod
"Alex was holding a pen and wrote a note on a ball which was thrown at the women by a ball boy,'' the witness explained. "The girls, who had already caught two balls, seemed bemused at first and tried to hand the ball to another fan, but other fans noticed the note on it and yelled at them to read it. "The note asked them to write their phone numbers on the ball and throw it back,'' the witness said. "One of the girls, with darker blond hair, wrote . . . on the ball and threw it back at A-Rod, who gave her a big smile." "They exchanged a few glances after that,'' as A-Rod took a powder while a pinch-hitter took his place at the plate.
Girls want alpha males A-Rod. Boomstick, bomb smashing, dinger hitting alpha males. Not dudes getting benched and dropping to 50th in the batting order. Figure your shit out before Yankee fans decide to buy out the remainder of your contract.
-Reginald
Preschool Teacher Jams 19 Kids In Car
-Yahoo News "According to reports from Pretoria, South Africa, teacher Melanie Minnie from the Rietfontein nursery school decided last Wednesday to haul her 31 wards to a mall about a mile away for a celebratory lunch. While such a trip would involve a convoy of minivans at most American preschools, for reasons that no one has yet to unearth, Minnie decided to haul all of the children herself in a Renault Clio, a subcompact five-door hatchback. Mall patrons apparently noticed children tumbling from the Clio like circus clowns and called police, who found three children in Minnie's front seat, 11 in the rear seat and six in the hatch."
Like how stupid are you? Haven't this teacher ever heard of delivery? Like I know you want to celebrate shit and buy your students lunch, I get that? But just order a sheet pizza, maybe some wings if your kids are extra special. You don't pack 19 kids into a car the size of a Honda Fit and drive them to the mall with 2 separate trips.
This type of shit makes me realize that teachers are just stupid people like me and you. Like some people who are education majors really make me wonder. Makes me think back to my days as a disruptive student in grade school and I almost feel justified in doing the stupid shit I did. My teacher in 3rd grade obviously went to college. She probably slept with a bunch of dudes, threw together lesson plans at 2am before 8am class, partied hard and shit. It's not like she went to Harvard and was miss goody two shoes. Why did I get sent to the principal's office for shooting spit balls at my friend from across the classroom? That can't possibly be as bad as my teacher getting wasted at the club and waking up with next to some community college frat boy.
-Reginald
Birdman Buys New Pad
Birdman just bought a new mansion for $14.5 million. This is why I love Birdman. The guy just take's "Imma do me" to a whole new level. Buying $14 million dollar mansions on the reg. Just throws around money like he prints it. Like what's better? The 9 bedrooms or the 17 bathrooms? Lil' Wayne talks about his 9 or 10 bathrooms and how he can shit all day. Birdman just doubled your shit Lil' Wayne. That's why he's your father and you're just trying to be him. Like this is the ultimate party house. Get wasted out of your mind and need a place to sleep? Just stumble into one of your 9 bedrooms. Have some bowel movement problems? Bound to find one of your 17 bathrooms within 5 seconds.
I can't wait to visit this place and congratulate Birdman on his new "house." I mean I'm sure I'll get an invite because we're pretty tight. If I don't it's likely he just misplaced my invitation, no big deal I'll just shoot him a text.
-Reginald
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