New #1 Douche = A-Rod

"Alex was holding a pen and wrote a note on a ball which was thrown at the women by a ball boy,'' the witness explained. "The girls, who had already caught two balls, seemed bemused at first and tried to hand the ball to another fan, but other fans noticed the note on it and yelled at them to read it. "The note asked them to write their phone numbers on the ball and throw it back,'' the witness said. "One of the girls, with darker blond hair, wrote . . . on the ball and threw it back at A-Rod, who gave her a big smile." "They exchanged a few glances after that,'' as A-Rod took a powder while a pinch-hitter took his place at the plate.

This is a joke right. Like you suck dick in the playoffs when shit matters and you're sending baseballs to hot girls asking them for the their phone number? News flash buddy, if you're an athlete, nobody wants your D when you're getting benched in crunch time. There's a reason Jeter can fuck any hot chick he wants in NYC, because hes the fucking man, and he fucking produces. Crusty old Ibanez is taking your spot and hitting clutch homers in the ninth and shit while you twidle your dick in the dugout.

Girls want alpha males A-Rod. Boomstick, bomb smashing, dinger hitting alpha males. Not dudes getting benched and dropping to 50th in the batting order. Figure your shit out before Yankee fans decide to buy out the remainder of your contract. 

-Reginald